I have to preach in church on Sunday and i'm wrestling with the topic because it's one that I struggle trmendously with...prayer. Just to be perfectly frank, my prayer life sucks. I don't mean that in an, I want to connect with my audience so i'll make myself look more "human" by saying that I struggle, kind of suck. I mean, my prayer life is virtually none existent, I can't remember the last time I truely had a heart-to-heart with God let alone a simple conversation with Him. When I say it sucks, i truely mean, it sucks. I think that the part that is even worse than that is the simple fact that I really don't care. I know I should. Of course people will, upon reading this, say but oh, your a pastor and your prayer life should be an example to everyone else, shouldn't it. Well, yeah, it should, but it's not. I can't be, because it's not there.
So, I have to preach on Luke 18:1-14 this Sunday as I fill in for my pastor as he fills in somewhere else. The passage is on the persistence of the widow and the contrast between a pharisee and a tax collectors prayers. It's a good passage, one that I need to hear, but if it's one that I need to hear so bad, why am I the one giving it.
As part of my prep, I wrote down a list of reasons as to why my prayer life is so bad. Here they are and i'll extrapolate a little bit on them as well.
So, I have to preach on Luke 18:1-14 this Sunday as I fill in for my pastor as he fills in somewhere else. The passage is on the persistence of the widow and the contrast between a pharisee and a tax collectors prayers. It's a good passage, one that I need to hear, but if it's one that I need to hear so bad, why am I the one giving it.
As part of my prep, I wrote down a list of reasons as to why my prayer life is so bad. Here they are and i'll extrapolate a little bit on them as well.
Why is my prayer life so bad?
1. A lack of confidence in God's ability.
Honestly, I don't know why this is one of my reasons but it is. I know God is more than capable to do things beyond my wildest dreams. I have personally seen Him demonstrate Himself to me time and time again. Maybe it is because I am keenly aware of what God can do in my life when my prayer life is good, where it should be, but when it is not not doubt God and what He can do for me. I question whether or not God is truly able to do anything at all for me. Perhaps that is a lack of confidence in my own self, i dont know.
Honestly, I don't know why this is one of my reasons but it is. I know God is more than capable to do things beyond my wildest dreams. I have personally seen Him demonstrate Himself to me time and time again. Maybe it is because I am keenly aware of what God can do in my life when my prayer life is good, where it should be, but when it is not not doubt God and what He can do for me. I question whether or not God is truly able to do anything at all for me. Perhaps that is a lack of confidence in my own self, i dont know.
2. A disregard for God's word.
I think that is one that any person who struggles with prayer can agree on. As believers, we know that we are commanded to prayer. Thoroughout scripture, God instructs His followers to come to him in prayer on all occasions. When thigs are going great, go to him prayer. When things are horrible, go to him in prayer. When nothing is bad but then nothing is good and everything is just, eh, go to God in prayer. And yet despite all the commanding and all the petitioning and all the examples that scripture gives, we still disregard it and fail to pray. Is it for lack of confidence in God's word? I don't think so. Maybe it's just because of a lack of respect for it. Im not sure. There are plenty of other thing in God's word that I do because it says to, so why do I not pray??
I think that is one that any person who struggles with prayer can agree on. As believers, we know that we are commanded to prayer. Thoroughout scripture, God instructs His followers to come to him in prayer on all occasions. When thigs are going great, go to him prayer. When things are horrible, go to him in prayer. When nothing is bad but then nothing is good and everything is just, eh, go to God in prayer. And yet despite all the commanding and all the petitioning and all the examples that scripture gives, we still disregard it and fail to pray. Is it for lack of confidence in God's word? I don't think so. Maybe it's just because of a lack of respect for it. Im not sure. There are plenty of other thing in God's word that I do because it says to, so why do I not pray??
3. A failure to understand who God is in my life.
As i typed that out I actually thought a better way of saying it whould be, a failure to understand who I am in my own life. Perhaps it is because I wrestle with my own identity sometimes. Well, ok, all the time. Im a confident person, prideful at times and ive never had self-esteem issues but I do wrestle with my "position" in life. There are days when I am completely comfortable with who I am and there are days when I have no clue. I spent 10 years working on a college degree so that I could go into full-time vocational ministry and to be honest, I received my diploma and just thought to myself, oh well...whatever. There really was no joy in it at all. I don't know why. I guess i'm still trying to figure out what i've been doing on this Earth for the past 27 years that makes God's think i'm worth keeping around. I'm glad that He has, and I do earnestly believe that He has a plan for me but sometimes I really do wrestle with who I am right now and who i'm supposed to be.
As i typed that out I actually thought a better way of saying it whould be, a failure to understand who I am in my own life. Perhaps it is because I wrestle with my own identity sometimes. Well, ok, all the time. Im a confident person, prideful at times and ive never had self-esteem issues but I do wrestle with my "position" in life. There are days when I am completely comfortable with who I am and there are days when I have no clue. I spent 10 years working on a college degree so that I could go into full-time vocational ministry and to be honest, I received my diploma and just thought to myself, oh well...whatever. There really was no joy in it at all. I don't know why. I guess i'm still trying to figure out what i've been doing on this Earth for the past 27 years that makes God's think i'm worth keeping around. I'm glad that He has, and I do earnestly believe that He has a plan for me but sometimes I really do wrestle with who I am right now and who i'm supposed to be.
4. A desire to prove to myself that I don't need God.
I think that this truely is the crux of the situation. in this post-modern(er, whatever) culture we live in, it's all about me, me, me. Whatever makes me happy is what I am supposed to do. I should pay no mind to anyone else around me and I should focus all my time and energy on myslef and advancing whatever cause makes me happy today. All in all, is a very selfish, self-centered manner of thinking that prevails in society today...at least, thats what everyone says it is. But i think that like any created thing, we want to prove to our creator that we are autonomous beings. We do not need anything from Him that we cannot provide for ourselves. If I can't get it myself, then it is not worth getting. Ultimately, I don't need God.
I think that this truely is the crux of the situation. in this post-modern(er, whatever) culture we live in, it's all about me, me, me. Whatever makes me happy is what I am supposed to do. I should pay no mind to anyone else around me and I should focus all my time and energy on myslef and advancing whatever cause makes me happy today. All in all, is a very selfish, self-centered manner of thinking that prevails in society today...at least, thats what everyone says it is. But i think that like any created thing, we want to prove to our creator that we are autonomous beings. We do not need anything from Him that we cannot provide for ourselves. If I can't get it myself, then it is not worth getting. Ultimately, I don't need God.
Well, I suppose those are the most encouraging things that could ever come from the mouth of a pastor. Please, don't get me wrong, i'm not having a crisis of faith or something like that. I have no intention of turing my back on God. Thats just absurd. I owe my life to Him and that is precisely what He will receive. But I do wrestle with prayer. I kinda thought that if I type some of this stuff out it would help me in my sermon prep. I think it has.
Perhaps you can identify with this or a time that you felt this way? What did you do to get past it? Maybe you haven't and are still trying to. I dunno, but I would be curious to hear your thoughts. Thanks for listening to mine.
Steven,
ReplyDeleteI recently read a biography of Mother Teresa. She was perhaps one of the greatest Christians of modern times and yet she struggled for years and years to have a meaningful prayer life. Outwardly she continued to do the work of God and serve his people but inside she suffered a lot because she had such a difficult time praying and finding peace with God. I think it is something that happens with all of us at some point in our spiritual walk. It lasts longer for some than others. I think God lets us have these times to greater appreciate the moments when all is going as it should.
Thanks for preaching.
Matt Long
I too have an awful prayer life. I have had some amazing miricles occur and have totally glossed over them, without thanking God for the blessings I didn't ask for that He chose to give me. I have decided that my starting point will be to get into the habit of prayer, not ritually, out loud at dinner, let everyone hear me stuff...but putting a note on the inside of the cupboard that says "have you talked to Him today?" And just start a conversation about whatever is going on that day. I figure if I show effort, honest effort, our relationship will grow and prayer will become more second nature as with any habit...but with far greater rewards. Thanks for your honesty,
ReplyDeleteSyndi
Thanks for your openness man, and what you described is my prayer life all too often... including now. I could add #5 to your list and say laziness. Actually, I guess that could be included in a descregard for who God is. But, I too, was preaching in my church, and felt like a hypocrite a few times. Thank you, and reading this was like looking in a mirror, and it was a bit of a slap in the face (the wake up kind, not the offended kind). Maybe, I'll attempt to jumpstart my prayer life by praying for you in this regard.
ReplyDeleteJesse
Wow, I guess I thought I would have realized this after all I am married to you. It's a time thing for you. Your no longer making the time. Simple fix, get up earlier. Make it a point. Find the time to do pray. That's what I have had to do. Less working out more praying is what I had to do. Maybe yours should be less youtube more praying... he he I love you Papa your an amazing man.
ReplyDelete